Pumpkin French Toast
This was leftover French Toast that I made this breakfast for Keshav yesterday before he went to work, and then made some for myself later on.
It re-heated perfectly in the oven and, I think, was better reheated than when freshly made, because the edges got all crunchy-crusty and caramelized--so delish! Whenever I make pancakes or French Toast I always make a full recipe rather than reducing it down for one or two persons. This way we always have leftovers that can be frozen for other days. Less work for me!
One of my favorite things is when I make French Toast, Keshav comes out of the bedroom and declares "French Toast!" in an excited voice. It is a simple appreciative expression that always delights me.
This week he flies back to San Francisco for a few days for school stuff, so I get the place to myself. I enjoy these brief separations, but always look forward to his return. Today he will be working "triage" at the hospital for the first time, which he is nervous about, but I think the challenge will be good for him and of course he is ready. To honor this new challenge, I surprised him last night with chicken nachos when he got home--it was a chance to feed him some healthy protein in the form of chicken and black beans, even if they are topping fried chips (you can't have nachos without the chips!). I also replenished his taquitos and chicken tenders for future to-go lunches, which kept me busy in the kitchen for the whole morning yesterday.
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Since Keshav is in San Francisco this week, I am taking advantage of his absence to put up the Halloween decor in the apartment so it will be properly spooky when he comes home. When he woke today at 6:15am to get ready for his flight, he had a message that his plane was delayed somewhat, so he naturally went back to bed to sleep some more. I was already up, as usual, so I continued to read the New York Times.
At one point I heard him crying in the bedroom, which alarmed me. I rushed to see what happened. Through tears, he told me he was missing his childhood dog. I asked what triggered that feeling, and he said that he had been watching videos on his phone of children playing with their dogs.
Sigh. He does this to himself sometimes. He will find himself watching something that makes him sad and just start crying. I do something similar at times by rewatching favorite movie scenes, but when I start crying it serves more as a catharsis for me rather than despair. I do it as a release--I am not sure why he does it. He was so very sad, all I could do was lie on top of him and hold him.
I'm glad I didn't feel the need to "fix" it, because I couldn't. There was nothing to fix. He misses his childhood dog, how do you fix that? I suppose we could just get a dog for ourselves (if our apartment manager would let us, which he won't), but would that actually fix anything, or merely initiate a totally new experience of dog ownership?
You can't really fix grief, you can only respond to it. Grief is not bad in itself--and we certainly cannot avoid it because people and things will be lost to us in the course of our lifetime. It can remind us of how deeply we can love someone or something, and also nudge us to adjust our attachment to people and things to include the strong likelihood of loss into our loving. Grief can also remind us of the preciousness and impermanence of life.
But try telling that to a kid who's lost a dog.
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