Classic French Toast
I'll be honest with you, I made this French Toast for both me and Keshav. He was not working today, so this is not technically a "Keshav's Breakfast" post, but I decided to write one anyway because it is my birthday and I wanted to share more thoughts about turning 64.
First off, any day that begins with French Toast is starting out on good footing. No matter where the day goes, it has had a good setup. Have you ever had bad French Toast? I haven't-it's pretty hard to fuck up. It actually easier to do too much with it--overdoing the spices or something. But when it is done really really well, that can power a person through a whole week.
I am hoping this breakfast powers me through the whole year, though I realize that is pure fantasy. But maybe not! I would like to think that as I go through the next twelve months, if I find myself having a difficult day, I can say to myself, "At least I started the year with really good French Toast."
Keshav loves French Toast, and it has to have the butter on top of all the slices. I heat up the syrup on the stove and this morning he nearly grabbed the container where it was hot rather than the handle. I asked him, "Why didn't you grab the handle?" He didn't have an answer for me, so I let it go.
In marriage, sometimes questions don't have an answer.
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I feel pretty good about turning 64 primarily because I feel pretty good. Since my late 40's, I've been thinking about how I want to age, so one would hope that by this point I would have a few things figured out. I focus on three important elements for healthy aging: strength, flexibility, and balance. I would say that those are good things to develop in relationships as well, not just in your body! Since I have older knees and hips, I give them more attention so they remain as strong as possible, while also being careful to give them rest if they feel tired or achy.
There were birthdays in past years where I was alone, and nobody acknowledged the day to me. These were the years after both my parents had died, I was not in a relationship, and I felt more alone in the world than engaged. Even though I was not that old, these birthdays scared me--I did not want to be alone as I got older. I had this thought in typical Leo fashion, however, in that I did not worry about dying alone and not being found for a week, instead I worried that nobody would be celebrating my birthday.
This year I have felt very celebrated, and very loved, and I don't take it for granted. Keshav really delivered in the gift area, and he is also treating me to a day of line-dancing at Wrangler Weekend, which we will cap off with a birthday dinner with friends at the hotel restaurant. I have received messages, calls, and gifts from friends and family and I have to admit that all the attention is double-sided for me. As a generous person, I recognize the power of receiving when I am the one giving to others, but I sometimes don't feel as strong a need to receive myself. I get a bit self-conscious, which directly competes with my Leo sensibilities (they have no self-consciousness!).
But I am happy to have this emotional tug-of-war rather than no tug-of-war at all. Some tensions in life are evidence that one is living a good life.
Later this week, after spending the weekend in Palm Springs with my BFF Dave, Keshav and I will head to Cape Cod and Provincetown for a week or so. It will be our end-of-summer blowout, though we aren't planning to actually blow anything out. What we do intend to do is explore, rest, dance, eat, and drink.
We will stay for one night at the family house in Hyannis before heading to P-Town for three nights. It is costing a fucking fortune to stay in P-Town, but what the hell, this is the first time for me to go there and I always say if you're gonna do something then do it right. I am hoping to experience at least one great T-Dance, and at least one meal with great seafood. My needs are simple. Keshav's family has all sorts of suggestions for things to do and places to go, but I want to keep our time there more unscheduled than not, so I can simply feel the vibe of the town and village without too much distraction. The family means well and some of their suggestions are great, but like many families they offer suggestions whether they are asked for or not.
There is a fine line between being helpful and controlling, I notice. How to know the difference? When one is intent on being helpful, they're usually asking a lot of questions. The controlling person just tells you what you should do. I want to be clear--people who try to control others are not necessarily acting from malice, or even aware that they are doing it at all. Some people have been doing it for so long they would not recognize doing it even if you pointed it out to them. I wish people asked more questions in general, but we are not really conditioned to do so, I notice.
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If you know me at all, it won't surprise you to find out I am already thinking about how to celebrate my 65th birthday when it comes around next year. I told Dave I want to celebrate in Paris, and he asked, "Paris, in August?" I realized that I had not thought this through very well. Europe is usually miserable in August, with temperatures and humidity reaching peaks for the year. He suggested that I celebrate in Paris at another time--kind of like Tony's 65th Birthday Tour. I can get behind that. And then he suggested that I think about celebrating on the beach here is SoCal, which is a very good suggestion. Helpful, not controlling!
I might look into renting a large house that sits near the beach, and invite a few close friends to stay with me for a short while. I did this for my 60th when I rented a home and hosted eight friends in Palm Springs, but I would do some things differently this time. I am excited to look into this--everyone knows I love nothing more than having something to plan.
What I do know already is that French Toast will definitely be on the menu.
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