Blueberry/Spinach Smoothie with Toast

 

7/11/2026

Blueberry/Spinach Smoothie with Toast

I am writing this many days after I made this simple breakfast for Keshav. I decided to go minimal because we had a dinner/movie night the night before, and I had made turkey burgers, followed by a bowl of popcorn. I knew that he would be full from all that and would not have a big appetite for breakfast. 

It has taken me a while to learn when to make big or small breakfasts for him. In the beginning, I would make wonderful recipes each time, only to feel disappointed when he would occasionally bring in half of the breakfast uneaten. Over time I learned that it wasn't that he did not like what I made for him, but more often because we had a big meal the night before, or had watched a movie and had popcorn or ice cream. 

But even the simple meals are worthwhile. Take this one for example. In the smoothie I put healthy blueberries and spinach, as well as protein powder, ground flax seed, and walnuts. The toast is whole grain with I Cannot Believe It's Not Butter! on it. Heathy and yummy!

He has never turned away toast, or bread of any kind for that matter. I recently hosted a dinner party for my friend Eric where I included a sourdough loaf from Bristol Farms that everyone raved about. Keshav told me that it was the best bread he has ever had--I am more than happy to get more of these! 

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It has been a while since I cooked a sit-down dinner for eight people using recipes that were all new to me. There is no guarantee things will work out perfectly. I remember once the first time I cooked for my husband's parents at our place, and I wanted to make a great impression. The only other time I had cooked for them was the previous Thanksgiving, and I was at their home, making due with their equipment and appliances. It went well, but I am reminded of Madonna's Truth or Dare film, where it begins with her describing the tour start in Japan during Monsoon season. The stage was outdoors, so they had to adjust the show and costumes for safety. Though it went well, Madonna said she could not wait to get to the States for the next leg of the tour so they could "do the show the way it was meant to be". 

I felt the same way about cooking for the Tyagi's at my home, versus at their home. I could not wait to show them what I was really capable of! I was making Mexican food, of all things. Tacos, with refried black beans. Then, right in the middle of frying the tortillas, they started to fall apart! For some reason, they would not hold together. There was no way I could make tacos with these tortillas. I had to improvise, so I decided I would put the taco stuffing on top of the torn tortillas and call them Decomposed Tacos. 

Everyone loved them, because they were the same as tacos except for the shape and composition. As I said, there is no guarantee for anything.

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For the dinner party I hosted for my friend Eric, I made Salt Cod with Clams over Summer Corn. I had bought 5 lbs. of clams, and had them in a pot with aromatics, wine, and broth. Most clams take 5-7 minutes to cook and open, but at 8 minutes none of them were open. In a panic, I Googled how to cook 5 lbs. of clams, and learned that it might take "a little more time" than 1 lb., so I cranked the heat and hoped for the best. 

Over time, the clams began to open, and I pulled them out as they did, giving the others room to cook. It took about 15 minutes total, but eventually all but one of the clams opened. Dinner was saved! 

Of course if they had not opened, meaning I had stored them wrong and they were dead, I would have just served Salt Cod over Summer Corn. I am glad I was able to include the clams, as it made the dish stunning. Everyone approved and raved, fortunately. 

Eric came into the kitchen while I was cooking and sensed I was stressed. I told him that I was fine, that hosting events like this most likely always include tension for the host. There are a lot of things to set up and execute. I don't know anyone who could pull off what I did without some level of stress. I like to think it means that I care about how it turns out. And the truth is that I do care. I care a lot. 

When you care, there is often some tension. 

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People keep asking me if I feel sad about Eric moving to Lisbon, as though I must be "losing a friend". I honestly don't feel like I am losing him, though I will miss going to the movies together, as we shared similar taste in films. But I have two close friends who have lived on the East Coast for most of our friendship, so I am used to maintaining long distance relationships with friends. 

Besides, his choice to move out of town is inspiring to me. He is a few years older than I am, and single, and yet he is uprooting his life from a home he lived in for many years and a city he's lived in for longer, in order to find new adventures in another country. How is that not inspiring? I told him if it does not work out he can change his mind and come back, or go someplace else. And Eric is not the first friend who has moved out of close range, so I have come to expect this inevitability from my older friends as they make decisions about where to land next. 

Eric and I have become very close friends in the last few years, and he was even a groomsman in my wedding. When we together in a relationship, way back in the early 90's, I don't know that we were as close as we are now. I was young, but more than that, I was not healed. I saw every guy I dated back then as anything other than who they were, and when confronted with who they were, I didn't know how to respond. Needless to say I didn't know what I was doing in relationships. 

Eric and I had many painful moments when we were together, but we are both older and wiser now, and maybe the first incarnation of a relationship is not always the best fit for two people. 

At the dinner party I threw for him, I invited other friends whom Eric and I share, including another ex of mine. At one point, I looked around this table of gay men, all gathered to honor and celebrate Eric's new adventure, and I marveled that they were there at all. Out of all the people in the world, these were the ones who somehow made it through their lives to my dinner table. And I realized that, just like with the clams, that it pays to wait for "openings" sometimes, as they don't always happen when we are ready for them. 

I can be patient and allow time to reveal openings between Eric and myself as a result of his relocation.