Dear Lady Part Two

 

3/22/2026

Leftover Pancakes and Strawberries

There is nothing exciting about the photo above. I have written about making pancakes before, and there is really nothing new to report about the ones you see in the photo. But how can I post something in Keshav's Breakfasts if I don't show his breakfasts? So enjoy the photo above, if you wish. 

Keshav enjoyed this breakfast, whether he found them exciting or not. He also loves strawberries, and I was fortunate to find some that are quite delicious. He ate everything and so I did not have to finish any of the food. 

As he was going to work today he complained about how challenging it was yesterday, where one patient told him to fuck off! seven times as he was trying to draw blood. It makes me sad to hear these stories because I am not sure why people would be hostile towards those who are trying to help them. No, that's not true--I do know why they do this. When people are sick or injured and end up in the Emergency Room (where Keshav works), they are often scared and anxious, and their nervous system can get easily dysregulated. When that happens, people don't behave rationally. Add into that a high level mental illness that is par for the course in Los Angeles, and it makes for a volatile situation. 

I have seen it happen on rare occasions even in my therapy office, and I was telling Keshav about a couple who once were trying to tell me how I should do the work. It was so exasperating that I actually said to them, "Who is the couples therapy expert in the room?" That shut them up, but they also did not come back, which was fine by me. Every once in a while there is a couple who does not have the capacity to do the work (which requires that they let me run the show); I have no desire to work with these couples because we won't actually be doing the work. 

As I was telling Keshav this story, I noticed him "checking out" from it and he said he had to go. Sigh. Sometimes I do feel as though he wants to talk at me but not with me, and while this is frustrating I try not to take it personally--many people in his age range share this trait today. Those who grew up using social media never really had to practice listening, did they? 

Or...maybe my story made him feel as though I was not listening to him. In all fairness, I think that sometimes I jump too quickly into "fixing" his problem rather than just hearing it. Of all people, I should know better. 

*

DEAR LADY PART TWO: THE CONFRONTATION

When I passed the woman in the pink jacket, I said "Excuse me" to her because she had veered to the right of her path and I did not want her to walk into me. In other words, I wanted to warn her. This action comes with its own set of pros and cons, but no matter how many pros there are, I am sad to say it usually works against me. This is because when someone is startled, they often become dysregulated, and they have less access to rational thought. More than once I have had the experience of someone yelling at me for actually looking out for them as I pass, not because they were in danger of being hit, but simply because they were startled. 

Fran Lebowitz is famous for many things, but one of my favorites is how she will tell people, while navigating New York City sidewalks, to "Pretend it's a city!". She talks about how New Yorkers used to have this uncanny ability to walk down a crowded sidewalk without colliding with anyone, due to them paying attention to the flow of traffic around them. They behaved, appropriately, as though they lived in a city where the sidewalks were crowded with other people. It makes sense, doesn't it, to be aware of those around you, since you are all trying to get someplace? 

But since the advent of headphones and ultimately smartphones, pedestrians have been willing and able to tune out to the environment--at times even acting as if nobody else is around. I don't know if Pink Jacket Lady was wearing headphones or not, but the fact that she was so startled by my passing (at a slow speed) suggests that she was "tuned out". 

As I passed her, I heard her say "You shouldn't be on the sidewalk!" I have heard this countless times before. The thing is, I know the law around riding bicycles on the sidewalk in West Hollywood. It states that I have a right to be on the sidewalk when there is no dedicated bike lane, as long as I ride with the flow of traffic and give the right of way to pedestrians. I did both of these things when passing Pink Jacket Lady, but it appears that was not good enough for her. It appears she was bothered by the simple fact that I was in a place she had not anticipated a person would be.

The following is a reconstruction of what happened after I passed her, based on my memory. 

HER: You shouldn't be on the sidewalk.

ME: (stopping, choosing to engage her) You have something you want to say to me?

HER: Yes! You should not be riding on the sidewalk.

ME: Where should I be riding?

HER: In the street.

ME: I'm not going to ride in the street!
HER: Why not?

ME: WHY DO YOU THINK? (It was after 4, meaning there was no protected lane. I would be in traffic with the cars heading home from work.)

HER: Besides, it's illegal to ride on the sidewalk.

ME: NO IT'S NOT!

HER: I am on the Board of Blah Blah Blah and I know it is illegal.

ME: You're a fucking moron!! YOU'RE A MORON!!

HER: Are you going to hit me?

ME: Oh my fucking god.

At this point I turned my bike and rode off, flipping her off of course as I left. 

I texted Keshav at work and told him what happened, and how it was the first time I left the apartment that day and here I have someone not wanting me to be on the sidewalk. He hoped I could shake it off, and so did I. I went into the movie theater and watched one of the most devastating films of the year: Sirat. 

I left the theater later that night, grateful that I did not get more aggressive with the Pink Jacket Lady. I thought long and hard about how we had talked that week in my MBSR class about pausing to choose our responses. Well, I did pause, and I still chose to engage with her. Unless you ride a bicycle in this city, you cannot know how many times I get the message that I am not wanted in the streets or on the sidewalk. The reality is that people in Los Angeles just don't want cyclists here at all. Cyclists are dismissed, disrespected, resented, and in worst cases targeted.

Sometimes, when I am on the receiving end of this, I am not willing to make the wisest choice.